where's my friend?

i feel like i don have enough friend. compare me with my other friends, their friends are infinite! i only know my friends from school, and i don think i have any friends outside school. and all of them are only from the same class or same level.

take a look at 'who else are my friend's friends':

grace: friends from school & church.

winnie: friends from school, work and etc. she know almost everyone. -___-

their friends from school is not only from the same class or level, it's like the WHOLE school!! despite from the same class or level, i like an 'alien' to other people and vice versa. i don't know any other people from outside school. i'm so lack of friends!

one of my friend told me that, when he first saw me, he's so afraid that i would kill him. he is HE AND STILL SO AFRAID OF ME?? am i that fierce or unfriendly? do i look like a killer to you people? izit looks that matter? i don't look so good and that's why i don have a lot of friends? or izit im not friendly enough?

i think the main reason why i have so little friends is because im not friendly enough? when i saw my-not-so-close-friend, other than 'hi' and 'bye', i totally have nothing else to say. but when my-not-so-close-friend saw other people, they both would talk like they never talk before.

well, when chit chatting with my friends, i rather listen to what they say unless if i have something to say then i'll say. i have more things to talk to my closer friend but cannot be just me and only 1 of my close friend, i will feel so *dono, paiseh i guess* if its just only the 2 of us. can you believe it? it's just my close friends and me, i will also have the weird feeling. the feeling only comes when we both have nothign to talk about, if we have something to talk about then i wont have that kind of feeling. so weird right? i feel more comfortable with 2 or more close friends.

with close friend also will paiseh, there's nothing more to say with those-not-so-close-friends. when i see a friend of mine in the mall, i wouldn't dare to wave my hand at her/him and say 'hi'. first, it's because im afraid that he/she din see me, and it will be so embrassing. second reason is that.. just shy lor.

i don't know what im talking about so if you don't know what im talking about either, just ignore me la. other than b gang im so friend-less. i want more friend.


bye bye.