what do you want?

urg.. kena lecture by the mother again. i feel so 不服气 because almost everything that she said i think is not true. how does this happen, you might ask. i heard the maids talking bad about almost everyone of us in the family and so me and my sister kepo go tell my mother lor. i'm the kepo who started this topic first actually.

the maids are really obnoxious (pro word yea? i know. in case you dono, i means hateful ;)) they keep on talking about us once my parents are not around and they purposely say it near us children (except dajie) so that we can hear it. but i don't know why they wants us to hear them talk bad about my parents or sometimes about us children but they didn't bother if we're around and continue complaining. happi's so called nanny treat her not in a very nice way too sometimes, but other than the sometimes they're okay which is when the parents are around.

and so the kepo me told my mother that i thought we've became closer and almost like friends but i was wrong!! RAWR~ yesterday i was teaching that happi pelajaran am and she dont even understand almost every word in the book and so i told her to translate it into either chinese or english to make sure that she knows every word's meaning and so she can learn easily. but stupid her is so angry when i was teaching because she was really paying attention to me. the word tumbuhan is just right in front of her and she keep on telling me that it's pokok and many more mistakes. and so i have to teach her in a loud way and thus she cries because i was talking too loud. what the heck. and when i told her to read it out but she wasn't reading out and she told me that she's reading it in her heart. and she keep saying "im me not you" when she doesnt wan to do things your way. mother was very angry because happi cries whenever i teach her but was this my fault? happi's the one making me so fed up. the mother doesn't even know and keep on saying me.

back to the maid thingy, mother gets angry, i think, when she heard about the maid thing and told us ESPECIALLY ME to treat happi better since the lousy maid is treating her badly and if i treat her that bad too happi would be very kelian. but i treat her bad only when she's making me angry, other than that we're good. we even share our little secrets that the mother or others doesnt even know and this is wat she called treat her badly?! i think i treat her nice enough compare to how my sister use to treat me, i even let her read my msn and stuff stuff.

and once my mother is angry she can repeat all the wrong/bad stuffs that happen in the past, hello?! it happen in the past. she always says that what's in the past is in the past don't say it again but when she's angry she forgets what she've said. i also hate it when she says " 你想一下你为这个家做了什么" . i did almost everything myself like she did. i fold my own blanket, prepare my own rice, and even cooks instant noodle myself when im hungry and etc.

she always exclaimed that i'm useless and etc. if im useless i wont massage your arms when you say it hurts. im the only one who can hear you when you say your arm hurts, i can actually pretend i didnt hear you you know? but i was being such a useless girl massaging you but i bet you just think it's just a useless massage then just worsen the pain right? stupid.

i sometimes makes tea or whatever when others wants it, i even help to prepare other's rice too. but i bet she sees nothing. all she remembers is that im a useless kid. and says that i always shut the car door very loudly especially when she wants me to bring happi down from the tuition as if i　不甘愿　like that. i didnt even know that i slam the door so hardly until you guys told me. im used to it already ma. stupid one always 　误会我。even when i bring happi to school also very unhappy, that's before the holiday, when this holiday started i was okay already wa.. only you din notice nia..

she always says tat i always want good food, buy this but that and go here go there. what i mean by good food is food that i like, eg. chicken rice but she's the one who says the place is too hot and doesnt want there. and i know i keep on saying i want to buy this and that. I'M JUST SAYING WA.. but i didnt buy many stuff lah. got meh? if got you tell me la.. the last thing i wanted you to buy me was the white gold anklet nia and it was last year. it's not like i always change my phone or want to buy clothes every month. i only buy clothes before CNY and if that's counted many, i dont buy lor.. go here go there more cham lagi. the place i usually hang out with my friends is the mall which i usually walk there, you drop me there only when you 顺路. compare me with other of my friends, i go out 1000x less than my friends. they can go out 7 days a week but when i go out only 3 days you started saying me.. sometimes i even say i cant go to the outing so that you wont say me but seems like i too kepo lor.. go out or no go out you also say me.

it's just so stupid lah.. if im really that useless kill me then. i regret telling you so much. and maybe i've did a lil too much when we're talking but that's the way you always talk to me ma. you also don feel good when i talk to you like that then why you wan to talk to me that way? kill me so that no one will annoy you. or maybe you've thought of killing me but kill people need to go jail so mayb i should kill me myself?! feel so stupid that i wanted to die because of this. but i just cant stand it. i always thought that i was a okay girl but to you im the opposite.

she also says that im very selfish about i forget what is it. i just hate my life that's all. and i dont even know why i feel so heartbroken. everything is just so stupid. and she always aspect me to not be angry when she's "lecturing". haha. who wont be angry/sad/unhappy when they've been scolded? she always want me to say "oh, i know i wrong already.." stuff like that. hahah. feel so stupid lah.

thank god she doesnt use the pc/internet, if she reads this for sure there'll be another "lecture" coming. i'm purple. (angry = red, sad = blue. red + blue = purple) it's so stupid!! she'll go tell my dad about this and dad will be lecturing me and argh!!! how i wish i could die and wont encounter all these lousy stuff. ya la ya la.. im useless, lazy, stupid la.. happy?